Wednesday, June 4, 2008

There's Something to be Said for Home Schooling

I decided to go get a pedicure yesterday instead of meditating. One of my more brilliant ideas. After loading up with movie star magazines, I settled in, got the massager chair going and then browsed around to see who else decided to get their toes done. I did a double take at the chair directly across from me. I thought it was Karen Carpenter for a second. Karen's been dead for, what, about 15 years? Anyway. It wasn't Karen. Turns out it was a school teacher (per conversation with her pedi person) She said: "Yeah, like uhm, I teach an stuff? I'm off for the summer but I get, like, paid anyways.? Oh an this thing on my leg? I got bit by a yellow fly (yellow fly???) but it's ok because like uhm this'll uhm like make it feel better an stuff.

Hope she's not an English teacher or (yellow fly?) science teacher. Sounds dedicated especially like uhm she like gets paid for the summer. Clarification: Teachers usually have a choice of being paid just during the school term, or being paid for the full year. Their uhm salary is like uhm adjusted based on the number of months they uhm will be paid. If they like get bit by a yellow fly they like can like call in sick for several days.

So, that said, I read my magazines and caught up on my favorite people. Looks like it's true love this time for Paris and Benji. What a relief. The other 64 romances just weren't right. I'm so upset about Nicole Ritchie. I thought she and what's-is-name were married. And Jenn Aniston is going out with some guy who just isn't right for her. But Branjolinas are doing just fine, and no - no baby yet. What a relief to be able to see for myself that everyone is okay.

Have you noticed that the word fiancee is really over used these days? You especially see it a lot on Cops. First of all, HE is not your fiancee, the guy is the fiance. Also, why doesn't he have a job, why do you work and support him, his drug habit and the 3 kids? Are they all from this fiance? Have you set that all important wedding date yet? Do you have your wedding planner on call? Oh, you'll get married after his next parole hearing for "fianceel" abuse? Great. If you look at the word fiance very carefully you'll see that if you add just one more N to the word you'll get finance. Who's supposed to help finance this relationship? Ponder that when you buy him his beer and cigarettes on the way home from your 2nd of 3 part time jobs. The least he could do is take the kids over to your sister's house in the mornings. Save you some time.

I almost needed to make another pedicure appointment today after I took the dog out and found my oregano upside down. Again. The least the squirrels could do is put it back the way they found it.

As I mentioned yesterday, it looks like we have McCain and Obama. That's all I'm saying.

And now for sports: Go Red Wings! Game 6 tonight.


Anonymous said...

On the subject of pedicures - and what a wonderful subject! - I just had one this afternoon with my very talented Tan (I'm still basking in the afterglow) and heard a very bizarre thing from the lady in the next chair. She, by the way, did not look like Karen Carpenter. She was instructing her pedicurist to maintain the small, yet noticable "v" cut or filed in the middle of the edge of both big toe nails. Claims by cutting or filing said "v", it prevents the nails from becoming ingrown on the sides. HUH?! What the %&#@% are you saying, woman? I pretended that I wasn't listening so that I wouldn't have to be phony in my response "Oh, how brilliant! Please, Tan, cut Vs into my big toe nails, too. And hurry! I'm calling Brian Williams right now with this amazing discovery so NBC will have time to get it on the Evening News tonight!" Please, help me out here. This is hooey, right? Or am I the only unenlightened 40-something out here with perfectly smooth big toe nails?

MuseSwings said...

Vee in the toenail. Lord help us. Just cut the thing so the sides aren't all pointy like vampire teeth, thankyouverymuch.

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