I'm Layla. I was an only dog. Just like in this picture. See any other dogs in the picture? Nope. Just Layla. I got alllllll of the attention, alllllll the treats and allllll the love alllllll to MYself. All the dog toys in the WHOLE house belonged just to Layla. It was MINE, MINE all Mine.
Then one day the people who give me stuff and sleep on my king sized bed like they own it say they have to go out for a while. They say it all sing songy which sounds stupid but I let them get away with it. I figure they're going to buy some Layla treats. So, I'm minding my own business, sleeping on MY king sized bed smack dab in the middle of the Dads pillow with MY Layla toys and MY chewey things sprinkled all around. And then I hear all the racket they make when they're coming home. And, get this, another dog shows up with the mom and dad! Lucy! She's all bouncy and wags her tail in my face. A big brown dog who wants to share. Share? I don't want to share. It's all MINE, all MINE. Lucy wants to play and be friends. Who wants to play with a giant brown dog who chews with her mouth open.
So here's a picture of the new dog, looking out MY window, standing in MY living room and spending time with MY family. She eats here, swims in Layla's pool, eats Layla's dog food, sleeps in front of Layla's TV, drinks Layla's water, goes outside and poops on Layla's lawn. Big poops. She plays with Layla's friends, and gets to lay in Layla's kitchen with the mom while dinner is cooking. I never do that. The mom makes too much noise and gets in my way.
If that's not bad enough, the first thing Lucy did was take MY personal private gingerbread boy. Here's a picture of her with it. She's got in her mouth all day long. She even jumped in the pool with it. What a dolt. It got all wet and and mushy and then it started to smell like a dead armadillo. Next thing you know, the Dad washed it in MY washing machine and dried it in MY dryer and now it's all clean and smells like mountains and lavender. Whatever the hell that means. And who does the Dad give it to when it's all fluffy and clean? Layla? No! He gives it to Lucy! Tch.
I just gotta say that this is a dog's life. I am really bummed out. So, okay, she can take my woobie, and some of my chewy stuff and jump around in front of me like a doofus trying to play with me, but guess what? I do not let her in MY bedroom. Ever. I make my teeth real big and make my eyes all squinty and mean. It works. She's such a pushover. So, Lucy has to sleep out in MY living room on MY new big dog bed that I decided to let her have. Plus, another thing I do is, I won't let her in MY office when the Mom is in there going clickety click on that thing she sits in front of. For hours. Like a zombie, when she could be holding me and giving me treats instead.
When Lucy tries to come in to MY office I do the big teeth thing and make my eyes all squinty and mean. It works. Here's a picture of me looking sad and forlorn. It looks like I'm an only dog in this picture. But there's another dog. She's standing next to the camera, jumping up and down like a doofus. She wants to play. The only thing I want to play is Make The Big Brown Dog Go Back Where Ever She Came From. That's what I want to play. Tch.