Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Move Over and Quit Shouting at Me!

Shut Up Billy!

Denis - Lines up his suspenders with US 19

Entire County Covered (literally) by Linda's suit jackets during Weather Report

I woke up with a headache this morning and I'm kind of grumpy, so I might as well talk about additional things that make me grumpy.
Annoying Local Weather Reporting
What is the deal with the local weather forecasters? They are always standing smack dab in the middle of Pinellas County while they report on the weather. It makes me crazy. There's the whole Gulf of Mexico behind them, but they sidle up to Lake Tarpon instead. You can see storm clouds moving out the back of their armpit and left shoulder, parts of rainfall numbers coming out of their right ear. Meanwhile they stand there like a lump and talk about what is going on just a little to the right of their 5th vertebra. You can see Orlando, Lake Mary, Kissimmee, Bermuda and 800 miles out into the Atlantic. But can you see what's going on in the local area? That they are supposed to be talking about? Noooo. All you can see is Denis' suspenders and Linda's suit jacket. (I hate most of her suits anyway) MOVE OVER! Better yet move the whole state over, but get outta the way! Isn't it time Denis got a new look? Those suspenders are getting a bit old. Oh, as the Mister reminds me, those aren't suspenders, they're braces. Whatever.
Worlds Most Annoying Ad Man. Shut Up Billy!
As I'm writing this, Billy Mays the TV Ad Man is screaming at me about some junk health coverage. Pointing his finger at me and telling me to cover my whole family. I'd like to cover him with some of those Hercules Hooks he's always screaming at me about. Maybe tie him up with some of his Zorbee's and toss him into the Gulf. It would be like setting a baby in the swimming pool with one of those super absorbent diapers on. They'd each take on about 80 lbs of water. It would be far more effective than cement blocks. Maybe hand him some Mighty Putty and tell him it's gum. Why are we being subjected to him? You're listening to a nice quiet Sylvester Stalone Rambo movie and next thing you know Billy (SHUT UP!) is screaming at you.
Worlds most Annoying Prime Commercial Time
Can someone explain to me why they put the most disgusting commercials on during the dinner hour? I'm taking a bite of mashed potatoes and they start talking about thick yellow toenails and foot fungus. I'm ready to dig into that delicious pasta and they show a buncha ladies going up some guy's nose. Then they go on to discuss various diseases of women's nether-areas, or acne, diarrhea and plaque. I know it must be a reminder that I shouldn't be watching TV during dinner, but I'm a grown up and I can if I want. I'd hate to miss the weather report. Or Cops.
Worlds most Annoying TV Commercial
Celebrex. Think blue screen. (Did I just take a Viagra by mistake? is my vision going?) Think little words winding across your screen. Think monotone voice going on and on and on and on. Think annoying plunkity guitar music with one note in particular being played and played and..... Think 3 (THREE) (III) (Tres) minutes of the SAME commercial - 2 and a half minutes of which warn you of the dangers of taking the medication. Why are be being subjected to this. Where's the remote.
Now that I've gotten all of this important annoying stuff off my mind, I'll go do something a bit calming. Maybe take an Aleve. (It's the same shade of blue as that Celebrex commercial) But first I have to get that picture of Billy Mays out of my head (SHUT UP Billy! and don't you dare say "But wait!")

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Question: Why do the Celebrex commercials always end up with 2 people in the 2 bathtubs? What's the deal with the bathtubs?