Tuesday, August 12, 2008

If They're 16 I'll Eat A Rat

I happened to dial the wrong country code last night. I was trying to call Australia and place an order for Vegemite. I ended up talking to Lu Shanzhen, the coach of the Chinese Women's Gymnastic Team! He was taking a break between diaper changings, so I asked him if he had time for a short interview. He said sure! So here it is! Eat your heart out Barbara Walters!



Cynthia: Lou, oh, is it alright to call you Lou
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Lu: I've been called worse, this week. That's fine
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Cynthia: Well Lou, I was looking for pictures of the Women's Gymnastic Team on the web, and I only saw these two. You with Chen Fei and You and Chen Fei with the men's team. Where are the rest of the ...er...ah ...women?



Lu: Well, they go to bed early. Tough schedule, you know. Chen Fei and I just stepped out to by some finger foods for the others to have at snack time.
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Cynthia: You know there's been a lot of talk about the ages of the women on the gymnastic team.
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Lu: Oh? They all 16.
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C: All? Even the 20 year old?
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Lu: Ha ha. No. Just the 6 to 10 year olds are 16. You add 6 and 10 you get 16.
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C: Yes, I see, they do look VERY VERY young.
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Lu: Oh, we buy good moisturizer products from US.
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C: And also the diapers with the sticky tabs on the side.
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Lu: Yes, it's not good to wear safety pins under those little shiney red gym suits. They show. And they sometimes pop open during triple flip.
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C: Very appropriately, it's the year of the Olympics in China AND the Chinese Year of the Rat.
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Lu: Yes very much in our favor.
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C: I notice you're wearing a little Year of the Rat lapel pin.
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Lu: Oh.... ha ha... no.This rat is different. I own company. We sell rat poison
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C: In the US?
Lu: No. Ha ha. Not yet. We have marketing campaign set for 2009.
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C: I'll want to be on the look out for that. What are you calling it? Dog food?
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Lu: Ha ha ha. No. Calling it Cang Xui Fo
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C: What is the English name for that?
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Lu: Umm. Let me think. Oh, yes. It is called Scrumptious Blue Candies.
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C: Speaking of English, we Americans are always very curious about people who can actually speak more than one language. How many do you speak?
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Lu: Yes, you Americans are so...how do the French say (he skrintches up his eyes and pretends to smoke a cigarette).... ah..yes ...stupid. I speak 7 Chinese dialects and 6 languages. How about you? I suppose you only speak English?
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C: Ha ha ha. Wha...er...no. I speak ...uh..4 languages. Yep, that's the ticket, four.
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Lu: Well, what are they?
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C: Ah, Menu Italian, Crossword Puzzle Spanish, Wine Bottle French and uhhh..Pig Latin. I do have a bit of a problem with the words that start with vowels, but other than that, I'm fluent. oday ouyay eekspay igpa atinlay?
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Lu:
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C: Getting back to rats, I understand the little girl that sang at the Olympic opening ceremonies was lip syncing.
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Lu: Ha ha ha. She our little Britany Spears
C: But lip syncing? Who was singing?
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Lu: Little girl who was not pretty enough for Olympics. We use pretty girl.
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C: She looked about the same age as your gymnasts.
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Lu: Did I say little girl? I mean she just looks like she 7.
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C: How old is she
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Lu: She 16. She wants to be a gymnast when she grows up.
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C. Ha ha ha.

8 comments:

Sweet Repose said...

OK...now I gotta start watching, my curiosity is peeked. I'm not a sports fan, so I never watch the olympics, too much corruption. But how cool, the interview...you crack me up...high energy toddler snacks...HA, what a hoot!

sharon

thanks for the laughs...

MuseSwings said...

Happy to make you laugh! Made my day!
Cynthia

Kay Bratt said...

Very cute.

Just hoppin' through.

Kay

MuseSwings said...

Kay, Thank you for popping over!
Cynthia

steviewren said...

I so totally agree with your interview questions. If those girls are 16 then I am only 35. Tell Lou I'll be on the lookout for his new candy.... rat poison.

Poetikat said...

Ah, Cynthia the closet stand-up comic is IN DA HOUSE!!!

"Scrumptious Blue Candies" it would be hilarious if it weren't true. Actually, it still is hilarious.

I speak those languages - well, except the Pig Latin. I also speak feline, husband (well, that's mainly grunting and other sounds I won't get into), oh and I also speak "mother on cordless phone" wherein I only have to say a few words - edgewise).

Kat

MuseSwings said...

Kat - Hahaha! I forgot all about speaking husband, dog, oh - and teenage daughter (even though mine is no longer there I still remember how to speak it.
Stevie - you get to be 35. Lou sends his best to all of you commentators. He'll be sending along some candy samples.

Lavinia said...

I heard about the lip syncing brou ha ha . I saw a photo of both girls and I think they are both plenty cute. Really baffling why they did what they did.