One More Lick at Lou

Shawn Goes for the Gold

Lu Shanzhen, coach for the Chinese Gymnasts called last night. He was a bit tuckered out from putting all the little car seats in his travel van for his "women" gymnasts.

Lu: This that smart aleck American woman?

C: Lou! Good to hear from you again. How's it going.

Lu: Not so good. I lose face from not winning lots more gold medals.

C: Why do you think that is?

Lu: I think your giant American gymnasts just show up better. Judges see them. Forget what little 40 lb Chinese Gymnast is doing.

C:

Lu: Anyway we be back in four years. We'll show you then. Girls will be bigger and show up better on camera.

C: You're bringing the same girls back?

Lu: Sure. They have a long career ahead of them.

C: They'll be kind of old in 4 years, won't they?

Lu: Ha ha ha No they'll be 16. Olympics say must be at least 16, so I bring 16 girls next time. All 16.

C: I was kind of expecting to hear from your embassy after our previous conversations.

Lu: Ha ha ha. China very democratic now. They check you out, look at your blog. You just small potatoes. Small flea on a large dog. Tiny zit on the face of humanity. Little yellow duck in large bathtub, tiny fleck of rice......

C: Okay, okay. I get it. So, what are you going to be doing now?

Lu: I think I might go to Idaho, or Iowa or Indiana. I forget which one. Starts with "I" though. Got good coach there. He's in much demand now. Might need an assistant.

C: You forgot Illinois, but try Iowa. They've got a lot of corn there.

Lu: Look, I got to go. Girls all waiting in car seats. Got long ride ahead.

C: Well good luck with that. And, listen, don't be a stranger. You've got my number

Lu: Ha ha ha. I got your number all right.

C: And I got yours, Louie. I got yours.

Victory is spelled G-O-L-D

I had another quick chat with Lu Shanzhen last night. I'm afraid that my timing was bad - I called him while Yang Yilin was on the balance bar. His phone rang and she teetered 3/10ths of a pt. I may have cost her the silver. Sorry. I told him I thought she did really well and her outfit is so cute.

I also told him that the most experience the average American has with any balance exercises are when they are stopped for a suspected DUI. I suggested that if the gymnasts were required to touch their fingers to their nose and recite the alphabet backwards during their routines more people could identify with the sport.

Despite some shady scoring during the balance beam exercises, our women took gold and silver, Nastia Liukin the gold and Shawn Johnston the silver. The bronze was awarded to Yang Yilin despite my bad timing with the phone call and her being up way past her afternoon nap time.

I happened to wander through the living room this afternoon while women's volleyball was on. One team had the word "Bra" on their sports bras. It didn't say "shorts" on their shorts or "shoes" on their shoes, so I asked the Mister why their bras said Bra on them. He said it's because they're the Brazil team. Huh. I would have maybe used BRZ or BZL, but Bra?

Anyway, I told Lou if I was ever in China I'd look him up. He said that the Chinese Embassy would probably be looking me up about the phone call and also about the interview I posted earlier this week.

If They're 16 I'll Eat A Rat

I happened to dial the wrong country code last night. I was trying to call Australia and place an order for Vegemite. I ended up talking to Lu Shanzhen, the coach of the Chinese Women's Gymnastic Team! He was taking a break between diaper changings, so I asked him if he had time for a short interview. He said sure! So here it is! Eat your heart out Barbara Walters!



Cynthia: Lou, oh, is it alright to call you Lou
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Lu: I've been called worse, this week. That's fine
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Cynthia: Well Lou, I was looking for pictures of the Women's Gymnastic Team on the web, and I only saw these two. You with Chen Fei and You and Chen Fei with the men's team. Where are the rest of the ...er...ah ...women?

Lu: Well, they go to bed early. Tough schedule, you know. Chen Fei and I just stepped out to by some finger foods for the others to have at snack time.

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Cynthia: You know there's been a lot of talk about the ages of the women on the gymnastic team.

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Lu: Oh? They all 16.

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C: All? Even the 20 year old?

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Lu: Ha ha. No. Just the 6 to 10 year olds are 16. You add 6 and 10 you get 16.

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C: Yes, I see, they do look VERY VERY young.

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Lu: Oh, we buy good moisturizer products from US.

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C: And also the diapers with the sticky tabs on the side.

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Lu: Yes, it's not good to wear safety pins under those little shiney red gym suits. They show. And they sometimes pop open during triple flip.

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C: Very appropriately, it's the year of the Olympics in China AND the Chinese Year of the Rat.

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Lu: Yes very much in our favor.

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C: I notice you're wearing a little Year of the Rat lapel pin.

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Lu: Oh.... ha ha... no.This rat is different. I own company. We sell rat poison

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C: In the US?

Lu: No. Ha ha. Not yet. We have marketing campaign set for 2009.

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C: I'll want to be on the look out for that. What are you calling it? Dog food?

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Lu: Ha ha ha. No. Calling it Cang Xui Fo

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C: What is the English name for that?

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Lu: Umm. Let me think. Oh, yes. It is called Scrumptious Blue Candies.

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C: Speaking of English, we Americans are always very curious about people who can actually speak more than one language. How many do you speak?

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Lu: Yes, you Americans are so...how do the French say (he skrintches up his eyes and pretends to smoke a cigarette).... ah..yes ...stupid. I speak 7 Chinese dialects and 6 languages. How about you? I suppose you only speak English?

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C: Ha ha ha. Wha...er...no. I speak ...uh..4 languages. Yep, that's the ticket, four.

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Lu: Well, what are they?

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C: Ah, Menu Italian, Crossword Puzzle Spanish, Wine Bottle French and uhhh..Pig Latin. I do have a bit of a problem with the words that start with vowels, but other than that, I'm fluent. oday ouyay eekspay igpa atinlay?

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Lu:

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C: Getting back to rats, I understand the little girl that sang at the Olympic opening ceremonies was lip syncing.

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Lu: Ha ha ha. She our little Britany Spears

C: But lip syncing? Who was singing?

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Lu: Little girl who was not pretty enough for Olympics. We use pretty girl.

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C: She looked about the same age as your gymnasts.

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Lu: Did I say little girl? I mean she just looks like she 7.

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C: How old is she

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Lu: She 16. She wants to be a gymnast when she grows up.

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C. Ha ha ha.