If They're 16 I'll Eat A Rat

I happened to dial the wrong country code last night. I was trying to call Australia and place an order for Vegemite. I ended up talking to Lu Shanzhen, the coach of the Chinese Women's Gymnastic Team! He was taking a break between diaper changings, so I asked him if he had time for a short interview. He said sure! So here it is! Eat your heart out Barbara Walters!



Cynthia: Lou, oh, is it alright to call you Lou
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Lu: I've been called worse, this week. That's fine
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Cynthia: Well Lou, I was looking for pictures of the Women's Gymnastic Team on the web, and I only saw these two. You with Chen Fei and You and Chen Fei with the men's team. Where are the rest of the ...er...ah ...women?

Lu: Well, they go to bed early. Tough schedule, you know. Chen Fei and I just stepped out to by some finger foods for the others to have at snack time.

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Cynthia: You know there's been a lot of talk about the ages of the women on the gymnastic team.

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Lu: Oh? They all 16.

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C: All? Even the 20 year old?

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Lu: Ha ha. No. Just the 6 to 10 year olds are 16. You add 6 and 10 you get 16.

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C: Yes, I see, they do look VERY VERY young.

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Lu: Oh, we buy good moisturizer products from US.

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C: And also the diapers with the sticky tabs on the side.

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Lu: Yes, it's not good to wear safety pins under those little shiney red gym suits. They show. And they sometimes pop open during triple flip.

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C: Very appropriately, it's the year of the Olympics in China AND the Chinese Year of the Rat.

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Lu: Yes very much in our favor.

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C: I notice you're wearing a little Year of the Rat lapel pin.

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Lu: Oh.... ha ha... no.This rat is different. I own company. We sell rat poison

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C: In the US?

Lu: No. Ha ha. Not yet. We have marketing campaign set for 2009.

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C: I'll want to be on the look out for that. What are you calling it? Dog food?

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Lu: Ha ha ha. No. Calling it Cang Xui Fo

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C: What is the English name for that?

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Lu: Umm. Let me think. Oh, yes. It is called Scrumptious Blue Candies.

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C: Speaking of English, we Americans are always very curious about people who can actually speak more than one language. How many do you speak?

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Lu: Yes, you Americans are so...how do the French say (he skrintches up his eyes and pretends to smoke a cigarette).... ah..yes ...stupid. I speak 7 Chinese dialects and 6 languages. How about you? I suppose you only speak English?

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C: Ha ha ha. Wha...er...no. I speak ...uh..4 languages. Yep, that's the ticket, four.

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Lu: Well, what are they?

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C: Ah, Menu Italian, Crossword Puzzle Spanish, Wine Bottle French and uhhh..Pig Latin. I do have a bit of a problem with the words that start with vowels, but other than that, I'm fluent. oday ouyay eekspay igpa atinlay?

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Lu:

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C: Getting back to rats, I understand the little girl that sang at the Olympic opening ceremonies was lip syncing.

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Lu: Ha ha ha. She our little Britany Spears

C: But lip syncing? Who was singing?

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Lu: Little girl who was not pretty enough for Olympics. We use pretty girl.

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C: She looked about the same age as your gymnasts.

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Lu: Did I say little girl? I mean she just looks like she 7.

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C: How old is she

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Lu: She 16. She wants to be a gymnast when she grows up.

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C. Ha ha ha.