Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Do Dogs Explode?

Layla the Dog, once a fearless pooch, unafraid of anything and everyone, has become increasingly fearful of thunderstorms. If she even senses the possibility her ears start to droop. During the storm she will sit on any available lap and shake like a little vibrating pillow. She will NOT go outside. At all. Ever. Til the sun is out and the birdies are singing.
Yesterday, being a case in point, I took her out "first thing in the morning" which was 9:30 by my current standards of sleeping however long I feel like and so what. Instead of doing her business, she found a tasty morsel of a half eaten (by who knows what) fig covered in sand, debris and ants. Once she finds a gourmet treasure like that all she wants to do is go back into the house, jump up on my bed and eat her yummy tidbit - on my white blanket. She cannot eat things outside. Why can't dogs eat stuff outside?
I could not get her to spit it out, eat it or give it to me to hold while she did her business. We were at an impasse. I finally had to let her back in the house. I was getting hot and thirsty. A few seconds later I hear The Mister, who is in the bedroom, say "What in the world is that and why are you eating it on the bed?"
An hour later I asked her if she would like to go out. She declined, having just heard a firecracker go off. During the next hour, and continuing on until 5:30 ish it clouded up and rained, poured, thundered, lightened and rained some more. Going out was out of the question. At this point, we are talking about a dog who has not done any outdoor business since 10:30 the previous night. Seventeen hours.
It finally stopped raining, but some neighbor hood child ran out and blasted off another %$#(%#&*^ firecracker causing additional delay. Finally at 6:30, fearing a dog explosion, I practically carried her out. Eighteen Hours. She sniffed around for 5 minutes, looking for the most perfect of spots and then FINALLY! Success! How do they do that? Do they have some kind of reabsorbtion process? Is this where the term "scared shitless" truly applies? I myself would have been dead by now. How do they do this????? Can someone out there please tell me?


Driving Miss Willow said...

Your story reminded me - of all things - the week I started teaching. I asked one of the sour pusses who taught high school for several years how one leaves the classroom to go to the powder room - especially since my planning period wasn't until the end of the day. She told me she's held it for 30 years so I can too. Well you may not want to know this but I don't think I can hold it for 30 years - but I am up to six periods. I guess you hold it and then you burst or maybe...reabsorb.

loolylouise said...

"...sleepig however long I feel like it and so what." I ADORE this sentiment. I'm going to adopt it as my own and will substitute whatever I like in place of "sleeping". Thank you, dahling, for giving me more ability to know that it IS all about me!

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Laughing out loud!!!! Your dog is too funny.....

My dog doesn't like firecrackers either, although thunderstorms just make him look out the window.

You have a very well house-broken dog. How impressive that he held it till he went outside. My dog would have quietly slunk off to a remote corner and 'be done with it'.

Esther said...

Hmmmm... good question! Our 11 year old yellow lab can sure hold it in better than I can! ;)

I enjoy your humorous writing style.

MuseSwings said...

Esther, thank you for stopping by! Layla the dog is 8 years old, and your lab is 11, so perhaps they don't explode after all!

MuseSwings said...

Miss Willow, Looly and Lavinia! How nice of you to stop in again!
I love your comments!