Monday, July 7, 2008

A Horoscope That's Right Up My Alley!

Today's Yahoo Horoscope for Virgo's:

Be careful not to push yourself too hard, today. Why pressure yourself into taking on a bigger workload when you don't really need to? Sure, you may crave the challenge, but at what cost? There are too many small details in the stuff you've currently got on your plate, and you simply cannot afford adding more to them. Before you accept any new assignments, focus on one single project and finish it up. Make room for more by completing what you have.

This has ME written all over it! Before I even read it I was on my way to success - I slept until 10:00. Oh the joys of the unemployed! The Mister organized my morning for me, so I did not have to exert myself with schedules and deadlines. My morning consisted of going over to Quest Diagnostics for a blood test, having breakfast with the Mister at My Cafe, picking up a latte to go and then home again. Think I shall have a wee toes up.

What happened to the good old days when the Dr. took care of all the pricking poking and sampling of our body fluids? Now we get a quick once over, a reminder that our cholesterol is going directly into the Book of World Records, and sixty-four notes for blood tests, MRIs, Mammy-o-Grams, bone density tests, and wouldn't you know it's been three years since my last colonoscopy so I am already NOT looking forward to 2010. Just do it all in the office, would you? I'll even bring my own equipment and that Super Man cape I get to wear when I get my mammys smashed to smithereens. Have you looked at that as a possible cause for breast cancer? That would be my first guess!

I think the blood test place is second in line from going to the Drivers License Bureau. It's like getting off the boat at Ellis Island. You get there at 7:30 am and there are already 237 people sitting around with blank looks on their faces and Dr. notes pinned to their shirts.

Half the people appear to have one or more family members with them, the only magazine left is Fitness for Forest Rangers - with all the coupons and recipes torn out, and the only thing you can depend on is a 12 hour wait with people sitting next to you that you would normally not be caught dead with.

Meanwhile, the lady at the window, who only does things in slow motion, shouts out to the mass of humanity: Mrs. Moribund, did you remember to fast for your urine test? (No, but I studied) Mr. Halfmast, did you remember to evacuate your entire intestinal tract? Miss Underwire, is it the left breast or the right one that we are looking at today? Then they finally get to me; Mrs. Conqui...uhm Mrs. Con-see-ahhhhh-tooooo.. ahh...Cynthia. Can I just call you Cynthia?
Yes, I've been here long enough that I expect to be invited to your next family reunion.
Would you pronounce that last name of yours for me?
Oh, Conquito.
Why, yes, that's exactly right.
Left or Right arm?
How about the right one. Mrs' Moribund has been leaning on it for 12 hours and it's fast asleep. I won't feel a thing.


nanatrish said...

This is hilarious! Don't you just hate all the waiting? Plus we have to pay them. They are not paying us to wait. I try to always bring reading material. I would rather have too much than to sit there and stare off into space with all those people with screaming kids and runny noses. I have to have blood tests frequently too and the biggest deal for me is the parking valet. You are not allowed to park your own bloody car. We drive it all the way there, but no we have to let some yo-yo drive it another 100 feet and then I am obligated to tip him for parking plus pay a parking fee. Is that a rip-off or is it just me?

MuseSwings said...

Your comments are a hoot! I hate valet parking - unless I have a choice, and then I sometimes let them do it. At least let me choose, I say, I'm a big girl and I know how to park.

LoolyLouise said...

Cynthia, my fair princess of a sister, I thought I'd finally comment on accounta you've mentioned me more than once in your VERY entertaining blog. Of course, I've known you to be entertaining for a long, long, long time and now the world does, too. You always make me laugh so hard that I don't make any noise. While tears flow freely and make my mascara run like cheap stockings. I love reading your stuff! Tell the Mr. I said "Hey" and pet Layla the dog for me. AND, today, July 7th, is the 8th anniversary of my breast cancer surgery. GET THOSE BOOBIES SQUISHED!!

MuseSwings said...

Loolylouise! Thank you for leaving a comment! You need a blog too! You'll make my "mascara run like cheap stockings" - that is if I don't sneeze immediately after applying it and end up looking like Speckles the Clown.
Love you! I'll be getting my boobies squished in August. Happy 8th Anniversary!!!! Does this mean we get another tattoo??????

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...


Poor old you. I know this type of woman.....the window woman and the mrs. moribund....

In self defense, you should have taken a sleeping pill!

MuseSwings said...

Better yet, Lavinia, I'll take along a glass of Harvey's Bristol Cream! I noticed you have some in your cabinet too.