Dr. Balderdash, would you tell my sister to get out of here. I hate her guts.
I had to go to the dentist today to get my permanent retainer bonded back into position. I didn't admit to any wrong doing. I just eluded to the fact that it is possible I may have snarfed down a pound or two of Bit-O-Honeys during the long and treacherous Halloween Candy Season. This was the first time I have had a problem with the retainer in the 13 years I've been trying to speak without lisping around it.
Nine out of 10 dentists $ecretly love it when you eat Bit-O-Honey$
I decided, around 1995, that I was tired of the way my two front teeth overlapped slightly. I was not getting the same response from fashion mags and the movie industry as Ali McGraw, so I made an appointment with an opthomologist and got my eyes checked to make sure I was
The look worked for me, honey , but then you ain't me now are you?
correct in my assumption about my teeth. I then, at the tender age of 50 something, made an appointment with the orthodontist. His office was cool - if you were 13. The 8 dentist chairs were set in a circle around the central work station and the Dr. could go from one patient to another with chairs filling and emptying behind him. There were built in sofas around the perimeter and a vast array of video games to play while we waited.
While waiting my turn on the merry-go-round I'd look in vain for a copy of Vogue or Reader's Digest. Then I'd give up and play Space Worms Rule The Universe instead, never making it past the first level. The nurse eventually would peer over her glasses and call my name. I'd get to go sit in one of the chairs surrounded by glaring 13 year olds. Whenever Nurse Brunhilda wasn't looking I'd hiss "Whatcha staring at you little misanthrope? I got teeth too ya know." The little Alfred E. Newman look alike would suddenly pretend there was something important under his fingernail. Later he would scurry out, pulling on his mother's arm and whispering, "Ma, what's a miz...ah...mi....miz-ant-ropee?"
It didn't take long to get my teeth back in order. I followed some of the directions most of the time and I graduated from the orthopteran - I mean Orthodontist- at about the same time I graduated from college. What?! Okay, some of us are a bit late on the upswing, but I eventually get things done. About the time I paid my last installment I noticed a new little sign above the nurse's desk that said:
misanthrope - n. One who hates or mistrusts his fellow men.