Friday, October 17, 2008

The Mystery of the Ladies Room

As I mentioned yesterday, I took a poll of several men, asking them why baseball players spit so much. Still don't know, but I, in turn, was asked the question of the ages: Why do women go to the ladies room in groups. "What's it to you", is the most logical answer, but I thought I'd put this oft queried mystery up for discussion.

I got several good answers yesterday, including this excellent response from Debby:

"I go to the bathroom with other women because then you've got help if you're stuck in a stall with no TP. Or, like Stevie says, the door doesn't lock. Or Grin Slickens is there. Or Lavinia is waiting for you to hang your purse on the hook so she can nab some new, un-maxed credit cards...any one of those reasons, all of those reasons, take your pick."

We're heeeeerree!

Before I continue on, if you did not visit Debby's blog, Life's Funny Like That yesterday, do it NOW! Debby, God bless her, has some spectacular news to share! Check it out and then come right back so we can discuss the ladies room question.

You back now? Okay, lets get started.

Going to the ladies room in groups began with Eve - once she had enough girls in the family. It was first and foremost a safety issue since all activities took place outdoors, in the woods, in the dark. There were lions and tigers and bears and men. The danger potential quotient of each of these to a lone woman in a vulnerable, defenseless, half mast position is not necessarily in the order listed.
The concept of a group poop continued when outhouses became the established mode of elimination - the buildings were small and flimsy and dark and outside. All of dangers listed above were still viable safety issues. Besides, while you are trying to do everything including manage your skirts and petticoats how are you going to tear pages out of the Sears catalogue all by yourself?

In Victorian times, the men would repair to the library for cigars and cognac for the sole purpose that it would never be necessary for a woman to have to state, in their company, that she must repair to the loo to take a pee. As soon as the men were out of sight the women would dash, en mass to uhm powder their noses.
This camaraderie among women got to be a habit and since any one of a thousand things can go wrong in a ladies room, it is always helpful to have seven to ten women tag along with you. Perhaps a stuck zipper, a popped button, a missing roll of tp. Sometimes you may need something that is not available to you in the little stall. It is so much more convenient to pass a quarter under the door than it is to completely redress and make a mad dash to little vending machine.

Guys - this is what a typical ladies room looks like.

We have plants, lamps, upholstered chairs, mirrors aplenty, lovely counter tops

As opposed to your typical men's room

There is still the ever present danger of a masher lurking near the entrance of the Ladies Room. And, imagine, sitting there quietly in your stall contemplating whether to continue your evening with that dud of a date, or leave by the back door. You look down and see a pair of men's shoes outside the door. Having 20 to thirty women in the ladies room with you will eliminate this problem altogether. He'll wind up in the trash canister under a mound of half used cotton balls before you even know what all the excitement was about out there by the beautifully appointed wash basins.

Grin Slickens could be lurking nearby!

In groups, we are assured that we have everything in order before returning to the dinner table. Comments like "what were you thinking when you bought that lipstick shade", and "is that a wig or your real hair?" will keep you ever alert to a beauty faux pas or having a long string of tp stuck to your shoe, or your skirt tucked into your knickers.

You can get everything properly adjusted

Have a group discussion about your dog of a date.

And, of course, having 45 - 60 others with you will encourage you to participate in round table discussions - along with pie charts and ad hoc committees - about your date.


Your comments questions and historical facts regarding group visits to the ladies room are encouraged! Had any ladies room experiences that you care to mention? Have at it!


And don't forget to flush.


steviewren said...

Are you sure lipstick doesn't make my butt look smaller? Because I'm sure it does....haven't government studies been done that prove there's a direct correlation between lip color and derriere size????? Isn't the rule the darker the lipstick the smaller the butt? BTW, I wear 'Luscious Chocolaty Brown' or 'Nearly Bodacious Black.'

MuseSwings said...

hahahah! It is true, and I use triple midnight black dark plus 2 lipstick at all times.

Lavinia said...

You wrote:
"Or Lavinia is waiting for you to hang your purse on the hook so she can nab some new, un-maxed credit cards..."

I beg to differ! I am *not* waiting for you to hang your purse no-sir-ee...nowadays I believe in grabbing the bull by the horns, so a more likely scenario is I will knock you over, grab your purse and rush off to the nearest department store/travel agency before you can say "squeeze the charmin" !!!

Lavinia said...

Note to Cynthia: I was looking at your 'followers' first guy? "Mohammed Al Reedy"???


Thinking it was some sort of joke, I clicked on his image and his 'profile' came up and there were about a thousand things listed there and then I clicked on his 'webpage' and it appeared to be some sort of advertisement....

Methinks he is not *really* *real*?!

Museswings, you got some splainin' to do 'bout "Mr. Al Reedy"?

Lavinia said...

Re: YOur second last photo: I have been called well-adjusted a time or two (no pun intended).

Re: YOur last photo: Bebbers is cuter! (*not that that matters!*)

Debby said...

Once I was 'writing a column' in my head, and in that dream state, while grocery shopping at the local Walmart, I wandered into the bathroom. I was washing my hands, and turned to grab paper towels. There was a man standing there with a confused looking, holding a closed umbrella in what can only be described as a defensive way. Never at a loss for words, I said, "Well, one of us appears to be in the wrong place." No sooner did the words leave my lips then I noticed the urinal to my left.


MuseSwings said...

Text message to Debby: Watch yr back AND yr cr cds!

Lavinia - Ooooh - I thought that was Ali Sheedy the movie star. Or at least I thought he's a close friend of Willow as he follows her blog too. Thanks for the info - I thought he wasn't legit but wasn't sure. Hate to dissuade anyone from following me blog.

Yes, I'm well adjussted to! That's another thing about those spittin' baseball players....

Bebbers is for sure cuter, and he would not be a dog of a date either!

Debby - love your story! A co-worker realized she was in the men's room only after a man came in. She thought, since he could only see her shoe's, he would not be able to ID her later. Then she glanced down at her shoes - she had chosen the bright green ones that morning.

Lavinia said...

Cynthia: YOu know people who wear bright green shoes? WHere do you work, Clowns-R-Us? Hey wait a minute, you *don't* work!!
um....Sorry, I can't hang around you no mo.

Poetikat said...

I have "powdered my nose" in a thousand different places thanks to a gnat's bladder, but I'm usually on my own (since I'm almost always with my husband and he prefers the mens' room).
When I was younger, I liked to go in pairs with another gal mainly for moral support - usually for a shoulder to cry on when some roue or cad had misused me.
Can we talk about toilet seats?


Lavinia said...

Oops! It was Debby, not Cynthia, who wrote about the green-shoe-wearing co-worker. Okaaay, then, its Debby we must all shun....psst...pass it on...

MuseSwings said...

Lavinia, it was a long time ago - during the disco era, but that doesn't even explain it adequately..does it! My role model status has been depreciated due to my continued unemployment so I don't recommend anyone who is easily influenced from hanging with me - you may be influenced to go to (shudder) pool halls or hang out on a street corner. Also I wouldn't recommend your trying to use my credit card at any but the Dollar General store - and even then, controll your purchases of those little china berry dishes made in Somalia. Where's Somalia?

PoeticKat - good to see you! Toilet seats give me the shivers, I've seen 'em all, but if you like, that could certainly be a topic of discussion. Let me just dash off and get my Lysol spray.

Lavinia said...

I'm totally confused. No fair! Is it you or Debby that is the green shoe wearing outcast? HELP! I must know who I am entitled to feel superior to! Otherwise I can't!

MuseSwings said...

It's a co-worker of mine from ages ago who was wearing green shoes in the mens room.
I do admit to having owned a pair of green leather shoes once, but they were incredibly stylish - and it were'nt me in the laddie's can awearin' them.

Betsy said...

Don't the baseball players spit all the time because of their chewing tobacco? At least that's what I always thought....they aren't going to swallow that nasty stuff!

Lavinia said...

Otay, Cynthia, you and Debby are back in my good books. As long as you don't wear the Big Bird earrings. Step aw-ay from the Big Bird earrings!

MuseSwings said...

Hi Betsy! They aren't allowed to use chewing tobacco now so it's gum, pistachios, sunflower and pumpkin seeds.

I don't have any big bird earrings, Lavinia - who told you that???? I have the kind with the live goldfish in them. That's what I'm wearin'.

Lavinia said...

Flossie Fortuna told me about the Big Bird earrings and about the melee involved at the Sesame Street show in order to get them. Hmmmm

MuseSwings said...

Oh that Flossilla! She cannot keep quiet even with death threats! The injured were at a minimum and there were no, I repeat no broken windows. Besides, I gave them to Stevie weeks ago.

Lavinia said...

That would certainly explain the trail of yellow feathers.

MuseSwings said...

It would - I believe you will find the earrings - or at least a few feathers in one of Stevie's apron pockets.

Lavinia said...

Yes, nestled amidst the gemstones.

Lavinia said...

I just popped over to Poetikats and barked at her to pull herself up by the bootstraps. No, just kidding. I actually ladled out some tea and sympathy then scooted over here to say good night and we'll all continue the madness tomorrow!

Debby said...

That you would SHUN me, Lavinia....
oh. The pain.

Poetikat said...

Lavinia,you're such a card!
She didn't "bark" at me at all, in fact she gave me some wonderful tips about getting stock in Vick's Vaporub. I understand she has a bomb shelter under her back garden and it is chockers with it!

Thanks, Vini! The talc tip was fabulous too.

Kat (the sickie)

MuseSwings said...

The madness begins! Wall to wall sports on the tube today so I am free to dabble in the dramas of the bloggosphere.
Debby - shunned by Lavinia - that's like being removed from Lady Fusilla's Halloween 300 party list.
Poetikat - on my way over to see what Nurse Lavinia has prescribed.

Debby said...

My little feelers are hurt now, that's for sure.

*dramatic sigh*

MuseSwings said...

I shall have a frenemy to frenemy chat with Lavinia - your feelers must recover post haste!

Lavinia said...

Cynthia! ARe you *still* in the ladies room? It' a while...!

MuseSwings said...

No, no I'm out here with the rest of youse guys. Can you not see me in my Tampa Bay Rays blue Mohawk?

Debby said...

Notice how Lavinia shunned me?


No, Cynthia. Really. I'm okay. Don't bother your head about little old me.


Mim said...

Oh, this is all so hysterical. Next time I have to go to the ladies room and ask a friend to come with me I'm going to crack up laughing.

Lavinia said...

Debby, the *reason* I am shunning you is because your credit card had a mere $5,000 limit on it. Barely enough for a new Louis Vuitton doggy valise which I *desperately* needed for the Bebbers. Surely you don't expect him to travel with some ratty old carpet-bag do you?

Anyway, I guesssssssssssssss I can let bygones be bygones....oh alright...stop that Muse-swings, stop poking me in the back!!

MuseSwings said...

So am I, Mim - hopefully it will be you and I that go together. Anyone else in the room will back out quietly without making eye contact as we giggle and snort at what appears to be little voices in our heads.

Blicky Kitty said...

K just gotta say it. Those relaxing jaunts to the loo were lovely once upon a time. But since my second nine pound baby they've evolved into a sort of mad dash.

As you all get glam and pretty I would come crashing through yelling "geeett out of the wayyy" (elbowing Grin in the stomach)

marianne said...

Fun Post!!!!
I has been a while ago since I went to the ladiesroom in a group.........
I have a thing for toilets, they are always full of surprises!
have a nice sunday!

MuseSwings said...

I know whatcha mean Blick - it's always now or nothing for me too.

Marianne - it can be a bit - ok, a lot - scary in there.