Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Spittin' Image of Baseball


I have watched more baseball during the last month than I have in the past ten years. Our home team, The Tampa Bay Rays, went from worst team in the 2007 season to first place in the 2008 season! They are playing the 4th game of the American League Championship Series against the Boston Red Sox. The Rays are leading in the 7th inning 11 -1 as I type this.
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Let me also say I have seen more spitting in the last month than I have in the last 10 years as well. Spit spit spit. Every time the camera hits on a player, any player, he is either in the process of spitting, or loads up a complimentary spit just for the fans at home. The bull pen must be knee deep in it. The guys sit in there and spit. Sometimes, if the camera hits them at the perfect moment in time each guy will spit in turn starting on the left and all the way down the line to the right. It's like Riverdance - but with spitting!
The camera moves to the pitchers mound (spit), moves to the coach (spit spit) catches an outfielder (spiiiitttttt) the man on base (sssspittt) the pitcher spits and winds up. The catcher may or may not spit - he's wearing a mask - it's hard to tell, but my best guess? spit. They at least don't appear to be using tobacco any longer. They spit toothpicks, pistachio shells, gater aid, water, spit, spittle and spit.
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I know where it starts:




And I know where it's perfected:
And I know that if I watch a game of 9 innings the score will be something like 9 (and 6,986 spits) to 3 (and 5,892 spits) Don't their mother's call them in the dugout???? I would!
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Rrrringgg:
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Coach: Yeah?
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Caller: This is Evan Longoria's mom, Lavinia Longoria. Lemme talk to him right this minit!!
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Coach: (spit) Evan? (spit spit) he's on 2nd base Lavinia, I can't bring (spit) him to the phone right this minute, ma'am (spit)
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Lavinia: I'll just wait - and don't put that damn music on hold on or I'm commin' down there.
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Coach: What's the problem with the (spit) music?
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Lavinia: It's Tiny Bubbles. I hate that song. Reminds me of spitting.
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Coach (spit) He's on camera right now, can you see him on your TV?
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(Camera is on Evan, he smiles and spits twice. One toothpick and both half shells of a pistachio)
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Lavinia: G-r-r-r-r I want you to go right over there and tell him his mother and his Granny Laurel are sitting here watching him spit on national television. You tell him if he doesn't stop that right this minute I am going to give him the biggest time out of his ever lovin' life.
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Coach: Time out? (spit) They don't have baseball time outs, ma'am. Hockey has time outs. (spit)
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Lavinia: Well you just tell him
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Coach: (spit)
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Lavinia: I just saw you spit on camera, mister! Fine example you are to those young men.
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Coach: (spit)
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Lavinia: I am just spittin' mad. If you weren't winning the series I'd come down there to Wrigley Stadium and give you a piece of my mind!
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Coach: Fenway. We're at Fenway, ma'am
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Lavinia: (spit)

20 comments:

steviewren said...

I would comment, but I have to run spit.

MuseSwings said...

Thanks, (spit) Stevie

A Cuban In London said...

I have laughed out loud, muse and I don't know if my colleagues will be calling the men in white to take me away in a straitjacket.

I used to play baseball, in fact, I was born with a baseball and a bat! So, I completely understand what you're writing about. Spitting is about machismo, above all.

As to the Rays, good luck to them. As a Yankees fan, I would love them to beat the Red Sox and go to the World Series and beat the Dodgers (or the Phillies, I don't know).

Good post.

Greetings from London.

Devoted said...

LOL! Your story had me salivating.
Have a great day, oh, and go Rays!

Queenie said...

Unfortunately i know nothing about baseball, unfortunately again i know what you mean about spitting.
I no longer watch football on our TV, it would seem one goal equals twenty spits. A penalty 30 spits, now a yellow card, floods of the revolting stuff. It is so good to know you share my aversion to this revolting habit......

Shellmo said...

Is it gum or "chew" in their mouth that makes them spit? Or are they an animal marking their territory? Either way - it is gross!
Points to ponder....

Lavinia said...

Is Eva longoria's mom really named Lavinia? Or did you take a note when I posted a while back, that I can't stand spitting and think that spitters should be arrested? tee hee.

SPITTERS SHOULD BE TOSSED IN THE HOOSEGOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Tea Time With Melody said...

That was truly funny!

Bibi said...

I get such a kick out of your blog! But spitting is gross.

Debby said...

*hackkkkkkk* P-TTTTTTTTOOOOOEY! (wipes chin on sleeve)

What's the point of this post? I don't get it....

MuseSwings said...

A Cuban in London! Thank you so much for stopping by - love your comments! Very encouraging and, machismo, is it? Men among men... Don't want a lady around for miles, just start spitting and scratching.

Devoted thank you for popping over and for cheering on those Rays! Could hardly get anyone to go to a game after last year. They were giving tickets away to anyone who would show up. But the stands are full now! And the dug out is full too - yuck.

Queenie - you are recovered enough to travel all the way over to Florida! Wonderful to see you! I think we need a quit the spit campaigne.

Shelly - perhaps it is territorial - I have no shoes that would agree to saunter through a dug out.

Lavinia, Dahlink - I have no idea (spit)what his mom's name really is, I just (spit) thought Lavinia Longoria had a nice ring to it, and frenemies that we are, I know you'd let me get away with it. Thanks!

Tea Time - how nice to see you! I will stop by your place for some tea!

Bibi - the whole spitting thing has always grossed me out -but last night, after typing this post it suddenly became hilarious - at least for a while.

Debbie! Hawwwwk Pitooottt! Snert. I have no idea how these things come about. It's always a surprise to me when I start typing. Haaacchhhh. Snort. Poot.

Margaret Ann said...

Okay...Now..I am totally grossed out...but actually laughing hilariously Yikes! :)

Even though the Rays did a wee bit of...actually a lot of...damage to the CWS right when we were so desperately hoping for a cross-town series playoff...at least they-the Rays-are rocking the house now...Go Rays...Take it all!

From a lifetime Chicago Cubbies fan..and part time White Sox fan...and now a partially converted Diamondbacks fan...Whew! (no spit needed to accentuate my point...LOL
All the best! :)

Lavinia said...

Lavinia Longoria? Oh please. I think Lulu Longoria has a better ring to it. Speaking of rings, I bought three on someone or other's credit card! Tourmaline for you and an amethyst and (dare I say it) sapphire for moi!!!

MuseSwings said...

Margaret Ann! It does get difficult when we move around, doesn't it. We have to add teams to our favorites list. I am a Red Wings Hockey fan - also Lightning and a Rays fan but also Tigers. The spit thing grosses me out. I'll see if I can count them during tomorrow's game. Thanks for stopping by!

Lavinia - thanks for the ring. I love tourmaline! and the cashmere throw is so perfect! I already have a padparadsha sapphire, so you are welcome to keep yours. Who's the lucky credit card holder? Lulu....aaah..nah - Lavinia is such a classy name, I'll have to leave the post as is.

Lady Farmer said...

I always wonder why men (all ages, sizes, heritage)spit!? Do they have some mechanism women don't? I think I should take a survey and ask 'em...

MuseSwings said...

Thank you so much for stopping by! I started taking a survey of men today - so far they say they just don't know. I'll keep asking, and if you do too, perhaps we'll come up with a legitimate answer! Let me know what you find out.

Nihal said...

Hahaaa:) So funny story, Cynthia. Enjoyed both reading and laughing at the same time. In fact, I'm a good tennis player and some golf as well. Baseball, no. Have never tried it till now.
Thanks for sharing & Have a nice Thursday.

Best
Nihal

soulbrush said...

baseball is the only sport i love watching, they don't have it in the uk, but back in south africa i used to go every sunday...go figure...it's the 'american' me!!!

Mod Girl said...

Hilarious! I must say that it is quite difficult for me to imagine the demure Lavinia spitting!

On another note, I received your beautiful postcard yesterday and so enjoyed the poem. What a treat! Thank you, thank you. This postcard exchange has been such a delight.

Devoted said...

I've been tagged!
Which means you get tagged! (Thanks Lind Family of Idaho!) No really, this is a fun one. You find your 4th picture in the 4th folder and post it!

check my photo out...

I tag...muse swings, renewed each morning, and nanna trish