Sunday, January 18, 2009

$ix Degrees of Monetary $eparation


Madoff and his scheming friend Ponzi. Here's smirking at ya!




I happened into a coffee shop in Manhattan the other day that not only offers free internet, it also offers free monitoring of ankle bracelets for investment fraud perpetrators. The place was packed.

I ordered my usual while standing under the “We Accept Cash Only” sign and looked around for a seat. The only one available was at an occupied table. I asked the smirking gentleman if I could sit with him. He pushed aside several large FedEx boxes with his well shod foot. Said he was waiting for FedEx to pick them up. Said they contained some useless baubles he was mailing to his “uncle” in Brazil. I noticed similar boxes under several of the other tables. I looked at my watch – it said 3 weeks after Christmas which precludes Christmas mailings.

The gray haired smirker introduced himself as Bernie Mad…uhm..Jones. After FedEx comes, he said he was going to ready one of the guestrooms for a good friend from Sarasota. The unnamed friend was making a rather circuitous flight by way of Seattle, Tasmania and Rome but should arrive within 10 to 3 hours.

He asked me what I do for a living – I said I’m an unemployed partially retired blogging hermit. Asked him what he does.

He said he was a wealthy ponz..er… investment banker, but now he’s unemployed and is a bit of a hermit himself. Yeah, I said, it’s a real crime what’s happened to the economy, and worse yet are all of those corporate thieves that keep ripping off money.

I told Bernie that coincidentally he looks a lot like a smirking bandit I keep hearing about on the news. Told him my bud Kevin Bacon is a bit pissed off at the guy and asked me to keep an eye out while I’m in the Big Apple.



If you see that smirking SOB you just dial B for Bacon


Bernie appraised my outfit of eclectic brand names and said I don’t look like the type to run in the same circles as Kev and Kyra. I explained that it’s just a relationship thing. There’s just one degree of separation between me and Kevin, so we’re practically related.

Seems Kev is looking for extra income now that the smirking bandit has separated him from a good portion of his semi-hard earned cash. He’s going to have to do cameo appearances and walk on’s now until he’s 87 to keep things going on the home front. Luckily Kyra has an excellent job as a Police Chief with the LAPD. Bernie smirked and took a sip of his cappuccino. Yeah he said, you just can’t trust anyone these days.

The FedEx truck pulled up just then and the racket from the sliding of boxes from under the tables precluded any further conversation. I bid farewell to Bernie. He told me not to take any wooden nickels, but if I do, he said, be careful who I invest them with.

17 comments:

steviewren said...

Don't you think his clients should have gotten a clue when they heard their financial guru's name was Madoff?

Had his mother stuck with the first name his father and she discussed for their son, things might have turned out differently for his clients. H.E.Madoff or perhaps Will H.E. Madoff or even Willie Madoff?

soulbrush said...

my head is so full of Maggie tonight that I can't even understand this post...you understand why i can't understand, don't you?

MuseSwings said...

Stevie -Very good point! Our Sarasota guy, one of the latest thieve's, company name is Scoop Securities. Scoop? Like I'm going to scoop out all of your money??

Soul - that's exactly why I'm not giving you a pop quiz here! Enjoy that sweet new baby!

Anna Lefler said...

OMG, you are AWESOME! Thanks so much for the bitchin' 'stachioed Mii for Wii - and for the link! I'm truly honored...and so glad you liked the post...

XOXO

Anna

Janeen said...

Ha Ha This is funny! I needed a good laugh!

Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

Good one! And I might add I've got that awful 'sinking' feeling that the dude is gonna walk (not go to jail), you know? I don't trust our criminal court system anymore and under the new administration, it'll probably get worse. [sigh] ♥ ∞

Betsy said...

Beautiful! Love it!

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Great piece! :)

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Good Lord, woman, you totally missed your opportunity to race out of there and return disguised as the Fed Ex guy.

"I looked at my watch – it said 3 weeks after Christmas " BWAHAHAHHAHAA!!!!!!!

This is hysterical.

Cool pic of Anna with the stache in your sidebar! Ain't she the coolest?

Hello Mary Lou said...

Great post. I think my blog is fixed.

Marie Reed said...

Wowwwww! Your blog banner is something else! Totally gorgeous:)

Blicky Kitty said...

I love it! :) Did your friend do an angry dance when he found out?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX38dNneIiU

I bet he and Kyra were so mad that they drove their VW bug to an abandoned warehouse and did an angry dance together!

It's just such a shame! This really should be a case for the Closer and the folks with the LAPD Major Crimes Division. I hear she gets a mere 300,000 per "case."

Linda said...

AWESOME!!! ty! ps. I love your new look here. Blessings

Debby said...

Wait. Are you and your readers implying that he's going to get away with this? Are you saying justice is not blind? Damn. Another illusion shattered...

Yaya said...

I love your writing!



(and what you 'do for a living'!)

Nan said...

Great piece...it gave me one of those bitter truth laughs

Sandy said...

HAHAHAH, this is hilarious!!! I would love to peek inside your brain...