Saturday, January 31, 2009

Tiptoe Through The Tax Statement



Tiptoe through the tax statement

Tax time! I am so organized this year. I have already entered at least 5 of the 2,456 items into my tax statement. The rest of the receipts and stuff are in a manila folder that keeps flapping at me every time I try to tiptoe past my officette.


There are several things I think I should be allowed to claim for medical purposes. I don't see a place on the form for them, so I'll just include an extra page and see how it flies:


Pedicures - I might kill myself trying to do this at home

Stacy's Pita Chips (Simply Naked with Nothing but Sea Salt) ** It's an addiction. What can I say.

Chico's Jeans - it is medically impossible for me to wear any other brand

The following require no further explanation:
Peeps
Lattes

Hair color


Hooter's chicken wings

Plantains

People Magazine

shoes

moisturizer

pasta

candles

baby back ribs

crumpets


What do you think? What medical necessities would you like to be able to claim on your income tax form? I think we should be allowed to decide what 10 things we cannot live without and claim the annual dollars spent.

Dr. West's Answer to H&R Block





** Stacy's Pita Chips are delicious! And expensive. When they're on sale you can get the 6 oz bag for $2.50. When they're not on sale you can get the same bag for about $ 3.49. Way too expensive when you consider that I ate an entire bag just now while writing this post. I browsed around on the Internet and found a recipe at Allrecipes.com that got 5 star reviews from all the readers, and comments that these are better than the bagged pita chips. I'll try them IMMEDIATELY.





I would skip most of the seasonings and just put want I like on them - like maybe just sea salt or salt and freshly ground pepper. I don't know why chervil is listed - it's one of the herbs that just never makes the trip from the grocery shelf to my shopping basket. Use whatever makes you happy and then when you are addicted to them go ahead and list the cost on your 1040.



Pita Chips



Ingredients:
12 pita bread pockets
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon garlic salt or sea salt
1/2 teaspoon dried basil (Maybe, probably not)
1 teaspoon dried chervil (WHY?)
Directions:
1.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
2.
Cut each pita bread into 8 triangles. Place triangles on lined cookie sheet. (lined with WHAT?)
3.
In a small bowl, combine the oil, pepper, salt, basil and chervil. Brush each triangle with oil mixture.
4.
Bake in the preheated oven for about 7 minutes, or until lightly browned and crispy. Watch carefully, as they tend to burn easily!



You might also try separating the pitas into halves before seasoning and baking them. One half of the pita is usually thicker than the other, so bake the thick halves on one baking sheet and then bake the thinner ones on another so they all bake evenly.

What do you suppose she wants us to line the baking sheet with?????



These pita chips are supposed to be delicious! Use with humus or any other dip - or eat them plain. Or bake them when no one else is home and eat them all by yourself. Don't store them over night - they just get tough and inedible.




A little something from Dr. West to help you through tax season

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Bella, That Damn Expat presented me with this extremely tasteful award. I don't recall how I happened to cross paths with Bella - whether I mooched her from someone, or she wandered over is a daze - that's neither here nor there. Bella's blog is a must read. She says what's on her mind and often talks about her growing up Catholic experiences which those of us who did can certainly identify with. If you click on the link you can read how her catechism nun thought Bella was Satan.

Thank you very much, Bella, for the award! I shall wear it proudly! I think I'll e-mail it to my catechism nun for show and tell.

I have to go back and see if there are any rules with this so I may pass it along as suggested. I'll get back with you on this. Think I'll list this award on my 1040.......

18 comments:

Debby said...

That first picture creeps me out! Is that a man or a flat chested women? Was s/he just goosed? WHAT IS IT?

Okay. I'm pretty sure that Doctor West would not approve of you worrying your head about taxes. Working with numbers is almost certain to cause hysteria. I'd explain this to my husband, and then curl up with a box of peeps.

Hello Mary Lou said...

I never heard of chervil. She means to line the pan with parchment paper to stop sticking. I have to think on what to claim.

MuseSwings said...

Good question, Debbie - creeps me out too so I had to share. What ever it is, it's dancing to "Walk Like and Eqyptian"

See, Mary Lou - that's exactly what I'm saying - who needs chervil? I think they use it in France. I'll ask Marie.

steviewren said...

Diet Coke, cans of almonds and cashews, trips to Michael's where I buy crafty supplies in bulk, Sommerset Studio and Domino magazines would all be a few of my allowable medical expenses. These all contribute to my daily well being.

I just bought a bag of pita bread to eat with my Athenos Red Pepper Hummus. I might give the chips a try.

Aunt Spicy said...

...You'll have to let us know if you slip pedicures past the IRS on your tax forms! What a fabulous blog you have, I am really enjoying reading it, thanks! And thanks for stopping by!

Call Me Cate said...

Ex-Catholic experiences? Bella DOES sound like a must-read! I shall check her out! Maybe it will help explain Joe.

Also, taxes caused me multiple panic attacks today - until we added the deductions. It's amazing how when you start off owing eleventy bajillion dollars, suddenly owing $1000 doesn't seem bad. Still adding 48247 pieces of paperwork to the calculation...

MuseSwings said...

Cate, may I suggest a large dose of laudanum? signed, Dr. West.

Stevie - let me know how the pita chips turn out - better yet, send some my way, please.

Spicy - I'll let you know about the pedicures - I plan to have one on Monday for my 2009 taxes. Thank you vor visiting!

Mary Lou - I figured you would know what to line the baking sheets with. Thank you!

Sandy said...

Fun post, but did you have to remind me about tax season.

things I think I should be able to claim, colored pencils, watercolors, art papers, ....

individually wrapped packages of cheez-its , 12 to a box.

Target brand Slimefast type drinks. I go through them like water.

Pantene Clarifying shampoo...gotta have it.

and that's just a few of my favorite write-offs, ....things.

MuseSwings said...

Claim them all and do't forget to claim all of your birds and Bob the mourning dove as dependants

Blicky Kitty said...

I prefer to pretend we don't have to pay until the night before then scream obscenities.

I need to be able to declare cute exercise clothes because I look like the only bag lady they let into the Y these days. I used to have separate house cleaning and exercise clothes but now everything has merged into bleach and sweat stained loveliness. I think it would be a patriotic public service at this point.

I think also I need to declare Numi Velvet Rose White tea. It's hard to find and it costs a little less than my first born child. But the box is so pretty and I feel like I'm sipping tea in an indian garden while a well muscled Bollywood actor named Ravinder feeds me sugared ginger. Also sushi. At what point does a comment turn into a post?

MuseSwings said...

Hahahaha - send Ravinder over here to peel some grapes and tangerines for me please! I checked out the Numi tea - I may have to try some SOON. I think a comment only turns into a post if you hit the spot that says "60,000 character limit has been exceeded. Please create your own blog if you wish to continue" But only then.

Bella@That damn expat said...

Ah, they joys of living in a country where your employer handles your tax statement.

And thanks for a fucking awesome job praising me. I know, I'm classy that way.

Bibi said...

Hmmmm...what to deduct? Truthfully, being an ex-pat and exempt because my humble income is below whatever, I only have to file, not pay.... So forget my deductions.

Rachel Cotterill said...

I get to do taxes for the first time next year. Still, it's a side effect of having made some actual money, so I can't really complain!!

Jeanne said...

Circus peanuts! There's actually another adult who likes them! (Good luck on the tax thing, but keep in mind that you'll never see an IRS guy on HumorBloggers.com.)

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

Hahaha, am rolling, Muse! I'm with you on as many deductions as possible! And congratulations on the award!

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

hahaha, just read your comment on "Do You Believe Fortune Cookies?" Great fortune! How about this? "He who has read Muse Swings blog today will leave with increased endorphin levels." :))

Blicky Kitty said...

Hahaha at that point are there then flashing lights that appear and say warning warning this is too longwinded for the comments section?

Oh Dove bite sized ice cream treats should go on there. Only 90 calories -- unless you have 5.