Tuesday, April 7, 2009

New Lows In Reality Shows



The last time I woke up all grouchy and headachey, as I did this morning, I wrote about Billy Mays. There must be a pattern here. Perhaps I associate him with headaches, nausea, the plague, festering sores, lice and whatever ails me. Something really bugs me about that guy.

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Billy Mays - the ad man who screams at us like he was born with his CAPS LOCK on is going to have a - are you ready for this: r-e-a-l-i-t-y show starting 4/15 on the Discovery Channel.
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The reason I know this is I was minding my own business, reading Flappers and Philosophers by F. Scott Fitzgerald and next thing I know, Billy Mays is screaming at me.
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He's not saying all the key phrases, like "BUT WAIT!" "OXY CLEAN" or "HERCULES HOOKS". So I look up to see what he's up to this time and he's doing an infomercial about his upcoming reality show. He wants to show folks how to be an ad man. Just like him.

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(I won't even comment on the fact that there's going to be a reality show about ad men. Lets just let this thought sit over on the side here and you can mull it over later while you're caramelizing the sugar on your Creme Brulee with that tiny blow torch of yours.)
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My concern is that I'll be sitting next to the Mister while he's flipping channels and just as he gets to the Discovery channel the battery will die in the remote. And there we'll be, stuck with Billy Mays showing us BUT WAIT! YOU CAN BE JUST LIKE ME!

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Eureka! Just as I'm typing out that last paragraph I had a revelation. An epiphany as it were- to the question of the day: Besides the fact that Billy SCREAMS AT ME several times a day, what is it that irritates me so about him? I was going to ask you to help me here - but I had a sudden vision!





LET ME JUST POUR POPEYE'S SPINACH ON THIS WHITE TABLE CLOTH AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT OXY CLEAN CAN DO.







I'LL KISS YOU LIKE I'VE GOT MIGHTY PUTTY ON MY LIPS



He looks like Bluto.
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I feel much better now, thank you.



BTW: Vince Shlomi, da shill dat screams at us about da ShamWow is in trouble wit da law. But dats another story.

19 comments:

soulbrush said...

there's an award for you on my blog.with hugs.

Adrienne said...

hilarity! I can't stand the screamer either!

Janeen said...

Oh Lil' Cindi, you've describe him perfectly. Well we know he won't need a microphone boom on the set. ha ha Have a great day!

Margo said...

You're right! I'll sleep better now :)

Debby said...

But I don't WANT to be like him....

MuseSwings said...

Debby - If you were like him all of your typing WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS. Plus the beard...

Blicky Kitty said...

I think the beard thing gets me -- not that I have anything against beards. They can be very handsome of course --Sean Connery, Johnny Depp, George Clooney have all rocked the facial hair at various times.

If a bearded man tries to sell me stuff though it makes me wonder what he's hiding under there.Extra shipping and handling costs, a barely discernible smirk which would clue you in to the fact that you're getting hosed. That's all I'm sayin'.

Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

THAT GUY REALLY BUGS ME!! Because of a*&h^% like him, remotes have mute buttons.

Hey, how did you know I carry an Acetylene torch? Who's the impudent person that talked? It's part of my "saving the world" kit.

ROFLOL!!!

MuseSwings said...

Blick - well said!
Spark - See? It pays to be one of your stalkers.

Betsy said...

I couldn't agree more! Why DOES he scream? ha-ha! And info-mercial about him? Oh please!

Nana Trish is Living the Dream said...

Bless his heart! I think maybe he has a hearing problem. Or he thinks we do!!!

Lanny said...

I'm not sure that is a good thing to think about with a flame thrower in my hand no matter how small. The world is flying upside down.

Bibi said...

I don't live in the US, but I think I have caught a glimpse of this guy...before I hit the next button.

Jeanne said...

Maybe you should use the parental control function to make the remote skip right over the Discovery channel. It's a shame to lose the good stuff, but desperate situations call for desperate measures.

Linda said...

LOLOLOL. And why do I get the feeling our husbands will be watching? Blessings

Kate Karyus Quinn said...

OMG I cannot stand him either! Funny thing though, his infomercials are on the Sprout channel all the time, and my son will be barely watching the children's programming until that guy comes on screaming and suddenly he can't take his eyes off the screen!

Lyn said...

Billy Bluto has hawked everything that's iffy and now is going to show us how to sell in this economy? Hear his sidekick's the Sham Wa guy, can you imagine? Here's Billyyyyyy!

Shellmo said...

I hate people that yell at your thru their ads or shows! Also - I just remembered that Hilary Clinton likes to yell her words too! Ugh!

steviewren said...

What do you think it means that my youngest son will watch an infomercial before he'll watch anything else? He's been that way since birth....hey, he didn't inherit that from me!