I'm Not a Virgo Anymore

Many moons ago my fellow managers and I were having dinner together when the person sitting next to me asked me what my sign is. I said "I was a Virgo until I got married." (which may or may not be true, by the way) She looked at me with her forehead all skrinched up, blinked twice and then started talking to the person to her left. Ignoring me completely. About an hour later she starts laughing hysterically and slapping me on the back. She said "I get it. Here I was thinking you're nuts, but it's a joke, isn't it. That's the funniest thing I ever heard.

(She's the same person who felt it necessary to correct me during a staff meeting once- I used the word eclectic in a sentence and she said there's no such word. I didn't have a dictionary handy - which was good - because I would have thrown it at her.)

My Yahoo Virgo Horoscope for today (Sunday, 9/14 if you're not keeping track) :

"Starting new projects is not advised right now -- they will have more of a confusing effect on your life than you think. Plus, as soon as you get into your day, you will probably start to feel foggy or unclear about things. Instead of getting all wrapped up in your own things, put more energy into focusing on the things that other people are doing. Maybe they could use a little help? You'll be far more productive helping others than helping yourself."

You may have noticed, I've been ignoring my horoscopes for quite a few weeks. They're too perky. Too climb that mountain. Too organized, in-charge and in my face. Today's horoscope is more like it - at least the first part: I'm absolutely off the hook for starting new projects today. How cool is that? A no guilt day for a change. I keep making lists of projects (to avoid) and leave them laying around until my next item on the list is "consolodate all 200 sticky notes on the counter tops. "

The only project I've started since yesterday is to go get a pedicure. Which would have been more relaxing if the pediperson hadn't been asking me 104 questions about the People Magazine I was trying to read. I had to buy my own magazine at Walgreens. Happy Nails only has 2 magazines in the whole salon. One for mothers with babies (don't even know the name of it - my kids are in their 30's. I stopped burping them years ago and don't have to organize play dates for them.) The other magazine is an old copy of In Style. It's so old it's Out Of Style. So I brought my own.

How do you say "leave me alone and let me read this story about Britney Spears" in Thai? I need to learn Thai anyway. I'm just positive the pedi-persons are all talking about me. They get all chatty among themselves as soon as I sit down. I need to learn how to say: I did too shave my legs, I am not too old to wear this color and So What!

(see my tattoo?)

As for the foggy part of the horoscope ; that is a stellar description of my current state. This was made worse by our favorite waitperson at My Cafe this morning. She was singing "Camptown Races. Guess what's going though my head now. The ONLY thing going through my head. (......Doo Dah, Doo Dah......gwine to run all night, gwine to run all day.....) I told her I'd be calling her at 3:00 am to sing a few lines. Click on "Camptown Races" so you can sing along with me for the next 36 hours. (...I'll bet mah money on the bobtail nag, somebody bet on de bay...).

The last lines of my horoscope are going to be a problem. What should I do? Help the Mister not watch football because he's sitting in front of the Hey Bob Interviews snoring? I think not. I'll stay right here and Doo Dah whatever I feel like.

Enjoy your doo dah day!