Sunday, September 14, 2008

I'm Not a Virgo Anymore


Many moons ago my fellow managers and I were having dinner together when the person sitting next to me asked me what my sign is. I said "I was a Virgo until I got married." (which may or may not be true, by the way) She looked at me with her forehead all skrinched up, blinked twice and then started talking to the person to her left. Ignoring me completely. About an hour later she starts laughing hysterically and slapping me on the back. She said "I get it. Here I was thinking you're nuts, but it's a joke, isn't it. That's the funniest thing I ever heard.
(She's the same person who felt it necessary to correct me during a staff meeting once- I used the word eclectic in a sentence and she said there's no such word. I didn't have a dictionary handy - which was good - because I would have thrown it at her.)

My Yahoo Virgo Horoscope for today (Sunday, 9/14 if you're not keeping track) :

"Starting new projects is not advised right now -- they will have more of a confusing effect on your life than you think. Plus, as soon as you get into your day, you will probably start to feel foggy or unclear about things. Instead of getting all wrapped up in your own things, put more energy into focusing on the things that other people are doing. Maybe they could use a little help? You'll be far more productive helping others than helping yourself."

You may have noticed, I've been ignoring my horoscopes for quite a few weeks. They're too perky. Too climb that mountain. Too organized, in-charge and in my face. Today's horoscope is more like it - at least the first part: I'm absolutely off the hook for starting new projects today. How cool is that? A no guilt day for a change. I keep making lists of projects (to avoid) and leave them laying around until my next item on the list is "consolodate all 200 sticky notes on the counter tops. "
The only project I've started since yesterday is to go get a pedicure. Which would have been more relaxing if the pediperson hadn't been asking me 104 questions about the People Magazine I was trying to read. I had to buy my own magazine at Walgreens. Happy Nails only has 2 magazines in the whole salon. One for mothers with babies (don't even know the name of it - my kids are in their 30's. I stopped burping them years ago and don't have to organize play dates for them.) The other magazine is an old copy of In Style. It's so old it's Out Of Style. So I brought my own.
How do you say "leave me alone and let me read this story about Britney Spears" in Thai? I need to learn Thai anyway. I'm just positive the pedi-persons are all talking about me. They get all chatty among themselves as soon as I sit down. I need to learn how to say: I did too shave my legs, I am not too old to wear this color and So What!
(see my tattoo?)



As for the foggy part of the horoscope ; that is a stellar description of my current state. This was made worse by our favorite waitperson at My Cafe this morning. She was singing "Camptown Races. Guess what's going though my head now. The ONLY thing going through my head. (......Doo Dah, Doo Dah......gwine to run all night, gwine to run all day.....) I told her I'd be calling her at 3:00 am to sing a few lines. Click on "Camptown Races" so you can sing along with me for the next 36 hours. (...I'll bet mah money on the bobtail nag, somebody bet on de bay...).


The last lines of my horoscope are going to be a problem. What should I do? Help the Mister not watch football because he's sitting in front of the Hey Bob Interviews snoring? I think not. I'll stay right here and Doo Dah whatever I feel like.

Enjoy your doo dah day!

26 comments:

Poetikat said...

Was it Bugs Bunny who sang the Camptown Races or Daffy Duck?

I'm not into horoscopes although at one time I could pretty much spot someone's sign just by talking to them. I try not to read them - they're just so out there.

Thanks for the tip about visiting care facilities - it's a really good one.

Oh, and I would definitely have conked that manager on the head with the nearest available - well, anything really! No such word as eclectic! Unbelievable!

Lavinia said...

I think the person that wrote that horoscope was on crack. Furthermore has no astrological or zodiacial leanings whatsoever. Now don't pull an office-mate and accuse me of there not being such a word as zodiacial. I don't have a dictionary handy, it is in use holding up a bum bed leg.

Just kidding! I have another book holding up the bum bed leg!

Can you tell...I've been at sea to long....this conclude's Lavinia's ship-to-shore call (I mean comment).

MuseSwings said...

Poetikat! I think it was Daffy Duck - that's funny I can imagine him singing it. I make a point of reading the daily horoscope only because it can become blog fodder when my subject matter brain cells are on hold.

Lavinia! I can't use my dictionary for the bum bed leg either! I need it because my speling is verry bad. Even with that, I too use my own words when Webster fails to supply them.
I'm getting my sea legs in order for the sea adventure! Can't wait!

Kalianne@BygoneBeauty said...

The pedipeople at Happy Nails must be sent on a customer relations course immediately, otherwise should seriously consider changing their business name to Jaded Nails or something similar.

Eclectic is in the dictionary! It's one of my favorite words.

Next time you see your dull colleague tell her that "eclectic" is too a word. Then prove it by outlining it's etymology, which is from the ancient Greek word "eklektikos", which is derived from "eklegein" which means to select, from ex- out + legein to gather.

That'll make her forehead scrinkle.

MuseSwings said...

Kalianne! Maybe Bite u Nails. My colleague probably doesn't know that etymology is a word either - so the whole concept would scrinkle her forehead. She'll also say scrinkle isn't in Websters, but if we keep saying it long enough they'll add it in just for me!

Lavinia said...

Yoooo-hoooooo! Do you hear that? It's the ship's horn calling all crew and mates back to the ship.....we are set to sail imminently, that is what I said, imminently....Cynthia, please hurry...we're about to raise the gangway....

Shellmo said...

Very funny - now that song is stuck in my head - doo dah!!
:-)

steviewren said...

Someone else would have had to close my mouth for me if my boss said that to me. Once an eleven year old neighbor used the word redundant when she was saying something to me...then she asked snottily if I knew the meaning of that word. Oh it burned me up but I restrained myself...she was not my child and she was only eleven but I told me daughter that the neighbor better not ever say anything like that to me again because I would probably have to eviscerate her with my tongue...wonder if she would understand that threat.

Nana Trish is Living the Dream said...

Such a funny post! You go girl!I am getting ready to start my day and you have given me a chuckle already. Now that you have shown us your tattoo on your foot...is that the only one? I need a pedicure, but if fall would hurry up and get here I will have all the closed toed shoes and will not worry about it. I wonder if all the rest of our fellow post card swap folks are all ready to mail their cards off. I have so many unfinished projects sitting around here that I have lost track of all of them. What in the world is wrong with me? I didn't used to be like this. Is it old age? Stress? Procrastination? Later. I must get ready for my Monday!!!

Lavinia said...

Heavens, Cynthia, a tattoo on your foot? What's next, bells on your fingers and rings on your toes? No wait..that is a song...oh forget it....

I'm up in the crows nest and I see you waaayyy down at the end of the pier......oh goody! You'll make it onboard ere we set sail for yonder distant shores~!

MuseSwings said...

I see you up there in the crows nest, Lavinia! Come down this minute! You'll muss your new tea dress! Gather all the ladies together and meet me on deck. I've got deck chairs reserved on the port side for everyone! We'll have tea and scones while we set sail. Poetikat, Trish, Stevie, Kalianne and Shelly are are all waiting doen here for you. Shelly wants to take pictures!

Lavinia said...

By gum you're right...I'd best get down double quick from my perch here. Deck chairs reserved? Excellent. Nothing like bouillon at 11 a.m. while we sit covered with rugs enjoying the bracing sea air.

Marie Reed said...

You are a nut! This was the perfect post! I am laughing and laughing!!!!!!

MuseSwings said...

Thank you Marie! I'm still snacking on Oreos from your Sunday post!

Bibi said...

I used to love getting pedicures until chemo left me with neuropathy in my toes, and they're really sensitive! I am even more ticklish than ever whenever someone else touches them.

I remember Camptown Races from Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles... Doo-dah.

MuseSwings said...

I'm sorry you are having tootsie issues! I had to look up neuropathy - I've not heard of it. Ouch! I'm very ticklish so being even more ticklish would keep me away too. I'm glad it does not impede your travels and picture taking. I love visiting your blog as you shoe us about your adopted country.

Janeen said...

There are so many funny things in this post I don't know where to begin! Oh my stomach hurts from laughing! ha ha That was great!

Nana Trish is Living the Dream said...

Count me in for the scones. Yummy. I can't wait for our trip. I think it will be a once in a lifetime experience. I have a feeling we would have tons of fun! I must figure out what to wear. We will have such fun!!

MuseSwings said...

Thank you for laughing, Janeen - always appreciate the support!

Trish - bring everything - that's what I did. 12 steamer trunks. I can hardly squeeze into my stateroom.

willow said...

Stop. Stop right now! Oh darn. Doo dah, doo dah. Now it's stuck in my head. Thankyouverymuch.

MuseSwings said...

Willow - it's been in my head all the doo dah day! Ole!
Youarewelcomeverymuch!

Lavinia said...

Cynthia! Help! I ate so much at the midnight buffet that I can't fit through my stateroom door!

MuseSwings said...

I shall come by post haste and help you - unless you would prefer that really cute sailor on b deck.
It's almost time for dinner anyway - so why don't you meet me at our reserved table. I'll bring a different tiara for you - no one will even notice you are wearing the same gown!

Sandy said...

I always laugh when I come here. You are good therapy for the soul.

haha.

Sandy said...

I always laugh when I come here. You are good therapy for the soul.

haha.

MuseSwings said...

Sandy, thank you! I'm glad I can make you laugh - it's good therapy for my soul too.