Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Gimme A Break!

This is my Yahoo horoscope for today:

" Virgo 5/21: Your social energy is dwindling a little bit right now, and being among a group of people you don't know very well could seem terribly daunting. Even so, you should try to stay in the loop of what's going on with people. Get in the swing of social things. Isolating yourself is not the right thing to do now -- as much as you might want to. You may need to actually force yourself to attend an event, but after about ten minutes of being there, you will start to enjoy yourself."

Tell me, how does this fit into my overall plan of being as hermity as possible? My horoscope is always telling me to go somewhere, do something, be all you can be, yatta yatta. I'm a mature adult, and the plan right now is to do what I want, eat my vegetables - only if I feel like it, wear the sleeveless top (if I can get out of the house w/o looking in the mirror), and maintain an arm's length contact with the world.

I didn't even try, and I've already been in contact with 16 people today. Seventeen if you count the woman who ran across the parking lot to get into Starbucks first. I didn't actually have a discussion with her although I did play a few possible conversations in my mind while I browsed at the baked goods. I critiqued her outfit and rightly so. She was not properly accessorized. The giant red patent leather Coach shoes did not go well with her fake looking Louis Vuitton handbag. Brown. Bad Stitching. I guess the labels are what entitled her to take scissor steps across the parking lot and slither in front of me just 3 feet from the door. And then of course, her order was very specific and included the snobbish 34 to 47 instructions. Gimme a break. If you cant order a drink with 4 instructions or less you are so full of yourself. Okay - I'll give you five - plus you can order that giant scone if you want, But that's it. Get a new coffee mug or 2 lbs of coffee on your own time.

Speaking of Starbucks, did you hear about the radical "Christian" group that is suddenly offended by Starbuck's logo? Talk about getting over yourselves. Starbucks has been using the logo for years and just now one of the radical group apparently decided to get their head out of their... (never mind), and take a good look at the logo. They noticed the lady isn't wearing a tank top and those aren't buttons on her blouse. I'm envisioning this nay-sayer sitting in church, sipping away on a latte while working on their shopping list and wondering where Missy Tyler, three rows ahead gets her hair done. Finished with those tasks they go to pick a drop of chocolate from their double fudge brownie off the Starbuck's cup and low and behold Star Lady is as naked as Eve before the fall. Alleluia! Amen!

So, to get back to my horoscope, I expect to make contact with 3-5 additional people by the end of the day. 3 of the 5 are well known to me and are good and comfortable company. I'm meeting them for coffee at Panera Bread. I'll stop at the Starbuck's next door on my way in. I'm working on an inventive coffee order right now. Something with about 87 instructions: two shot whip whip extra hot half soy 1/4 no fat 1/4 low fat no foam with caramel on the bottom, in the middle and on the get the picture. I'll sprint into the store ahead of someone while I'm at it. I'll let you know how that goes.

No comments: