Thursday, May 22, 2008

She Ain't Naked, She's a Mermaid!

My Bible Study posse and I dissed Panera Bread last night. We graced Starbuck's with our presence instead. We were afforded the opportunity to critique the Starbuck's logo for the sake of the "Christian" radicals who take issue with her naked mermaid body. We made a serious effort and reviewed all available logos. The logo on the cup looks like an old style woodcut and gives just a hint of nudity. Children under 13 may look at it with parental consent. The logo on the paper sleeve is more graphic. Although she definitely has a womanly form and a shapely bosom, she don't got no buttons. So, I'm thinking that maybe she's wearing a t-shirt or a summer weight sweater and you just can't see the sleeves on accounta her hair. This is settled as far as I'm concerned. Star Lady is okay by Christian standards even though she is probably not one. Here's an evangelical opportunity that I will leave to the professionals. Check this information about sirens, aka mermaids from a Christian viewpoint. Thanks for the input from

The ladies and I had a very pleasant evening of supportive conversation and belly laughs. We sat outside, one table over from the Bosnian soccer team. The evening was pleasantly cool by Florida standards (about 82 degrees in the shade). We enjoyed a steady evening breeze from cars speeding through the parking lot and the sound of squealing tires drowned out all the noise from the motor cycles and rap music on US 19.

The guy who comes by and sprays my lawn to keep it green and save us from getting terse letters from our home owners association took the opportunity to meet with us personally yesterday. The way he banged on the door I thought it was a drug raid. Wrong house. It seems our grass is dry. Crunchy, actually. He thought it would be a good idea, based on the 3 month drought we are experiencing, that we might just turn the sprinkler system on now and again and give the grass a break. We do - on our personal private one day a week that we are allowed, and assigned by law, to run the sprinkler. This holy day of observation is based on the alignment of the planets, the last 4 digits of our combined social security numbers and an odd/even address system. All I know is Thursday's the day.

Lawn Man dragged the Mister by the arm over to the timer where, lo and behold, they discovered that, although we are watering the grass every week, each zone is running for only 5 minutes. Lawn Man pointed a surly finger in the Mister's face and explained that under these inhumane conditions our lawn is expected to stay green and healthy on a thimble full of water once a week. (Also, my dog waters the lawn a few times a day but that's beside the point. She is a small dog so thimbleful applies to her as well) (No wonder my water bill doesn't suck.) (It will now). Lawn Man would not get into his truck until he was assured that the timer was set to something a bit more realistic. As Lawn Man drove off into the sunset the grass blades were talking quietly among themselves - very much like the Thai ladies at my nail salon. I'm convinced that in both cases they are talking about me.

We are expecting a very important delivery today! The Mister has his ear to the front door as I speak. What is this treasure? This mystery package of pure pleasure? It's gourmet food of the third kind: Detroit's own National Coney Island Chili and hot dogs! This is not health food by any standards whatsoever. There are no soy products, no leafy green vegetables and certainly no long or short chain Omega fatty acids. Forget about reading the ingredients - they are not for the faint of heart. Just heat and eat with plenty of chopped onions. Oooooh mama! See

Plans for the day? Lets see... A little daytime TV, perhaps a few rounds of Bookworm (I scored 2.3 million on my last game level 37 - I'm Bookworm Supreme) and I'll make a list of important household tasks to do some other day. Oh, and a book to read: Maggie, by Charles Martin. (Thanks C1!) There's something good to be said for being unemployed!

1 comment:

Simply Lovely said...

Yes, a twin tailed mermaid to be precise...and mermaids are supposed to be naked, aren't they???