School Bullies: A Chance to Take Them On

Ming the Merciless was a kindergarten bully, I'm sure of it!

Were you bullied at school?

Were you tormented?

Were you pushed around?

Did people swipe stuff from you?

• Did Kenneth tell you to put your fingers in your desk drawer and you did and then he slammed the drawer on them? Forget you were gullible enough to do it. Duh.

Scut Farcus and his little toady friend

• Did Mimi throw your new coloring book in the bushes when you gave it to her because she asked if she could look at it? Forget that you knew Mimi was up to no good. And why were you hanging out with her anyway?

• How 'bout Theresa? Did she swipe your little plastic Humpty Dumpty because your best friend had one and your best friend started hanging out with Theresa and they played Humpty Dumpty together until you went to Theresa's house and she answered the door and you asked to speak with her mother and she said wait a minute and came back to the door and gave you your Humpty Dumpty but it had teeth marks on the left leg?

Beach Bully

• Did Joey convince you to see if you could throw your mittens over the rail yard fence? And you did. And they went right over the top and by the time you got home you practically had frostbite because for whatever dopey reason you didn't put your hands in your pockets and it was about 40 degrees (that's Fahrenheit) below zero and your mom ran cold water over them until you thawed out and then you got a cup of hot chocolate and got to help make Jello for dinner?

• Did Anita convince you to stick your foot in the hole in the floor in the abandoned house down the street and you (of course) did and your foot got caught and your mom had to come and save you and she took you home and you got to lay on the sofa and watch Howdy Doody and she made you a cup of hot chocolate?

• Did Theresa (there's that Theresa again) convince you to stick your tongue on the schoolyard fence when it was (again) (why why why do you insist on hanging out with her?) 4o degrees (that's Fahrenheit) and luckily it only stuck a little but the fence tasted like a dead armadillo?

• Did Mary Jo and Janelle convince you to play hide and seek and you hid and they didn't seek instead they went to Mary Jo's house and had a snack in the kitchen and you knew because you could see them when you finally decided they weren't coming to find you and you walked home all by yourself?

• If you had it to do all over, would it happen again? Or would you serve them up for dinner with some fava beans and a fine Chianti?

Here's your chance to find out:

How Many 5 Year Olds Can You Take on In a Fight?